At what point do you grab your friend by the shoulders, shake her and say loudly, “YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!”?
A month ago I wrote a post about my friend dumping her boyfriend for no good reason. I was pretty compassionate at the time. I’m much less so now. A month after dating for 4 months, she is still acting like this just happened. She doesn’t want to get back with him, but wants to be friends like they were before they started dating.
So the rest of us are being dragged through her need for attention (now that she’s not the center of his), which is expressed through:
- Inserting herself into every conversation and trying to make herself relevant to it (this gets noticeably weird, and often)
- Using dumb excuses to be around him and talking very awkwardly about it
- Blaming everyone else for her failures and lack of maturity in the relationship
She’s clearly not aware that some of us are annoyed (I’m the closest to it, but by no means the only one who has noticed, I’ve found out), and I’m not sure whether to ignore her bad behavior or call her out on it. We went to her ex’s rec league basketball game last night then to dinner with another friend, and her ex and I shared plates. It was satisfying to have her pout over a simple thing, honestly. He and I wanted tacos AND pancakes, sorry she isn’t more imaginative with her dinner choices. We also talked through scenarios in which he could work for me that excited he and I both, and it was nice to carry on with my friend without her being able to jump in on our future goals (which have zero to do with her, especially now that she’s dumped him).
So maybe ignoring her pettiness is the answer, and going on like it doesn’t happen. I’m not sure that ignoring the bad behavior of oblivious people is the answer, but it’s an answer that for the moment doesn’t drag me into being responsible for it.