I play a pickup sport most Wednesday nights with a group of friends. I asked David if he wanted to join since he’d expressed interest, and I was curious. You can learn a lot about a person from their behavior on the court or field, and I was pretty sure I knew, but why not? He was as cool as I thought he’d be, and made space for a younger player to more fully participate. That’s exactly what I want to see. If you can drop your ego and need to score for someone who isn’t as capable because it’s the right thing to do, I’m in.
Not so much one of my friends, who regularly runs over people to score. This isn’t the Olympics, it’s a casual pickup game. Same friend took it upon himself to interrogate David about his church attendance, and this morning sent me a string of 17 text messages advising me to not pursue a relationship with David because he hadn’t played into this guy’s interrogation. Yeah thanks, but we’ll sort this one out ourselves.
I could talk about jealousy and projections, but it sums up to this: a guy made a strong enough judgement from a 30 second conversation to interfere in my decisions without first asking me what I want. No thanks. On my planet we listen and take in information first, then we think about offering opinions. We don’t make a lot of baseless assumptions and hide behind a facade of concern, if we bring something up, we stand behind it.
I told him I thought it was an important enough issue that I thought we should discuss the matter in person. This friend then backed off and said I didn’t owe him an explanation.
Huh? Pretty sure that’s exactly what you just said. And you’re not getting one because you were right the second time. I owe you nothing. Now try not to be a dick.