Leaning Into Healing

I started listening to Healing from Trauma: A Survivor’s Guide while I walked yesterday. After I did yoga. So there I am doing yoga, exercising, not making excuses and working on my brain.

That shit was hard.

The book was good for me from the start. I’m only to the second chapter, but the first chapter started with “Shit happens.”, and I knew I had found a resource that would help me.

As much as it’s helping, as much as I am already learning and recognizing and feel grateful, it is really hard for me to listen to. Not because she recounts trauma stories, she’s careful not to do that because she understands getting triggered isn’t helpful. It’s hard for me to listen to because I am having to face my own experience head-on. I am having to process what happened as I hear the narrator talk about how our brains and bodies respond when we experience trauma. It’s so empowering to have this information. And so painful.

It was tempting several times to cut the book off and switch over to music for the rest of my walk. And I can certainly do that – she even talks about how to read or listen to the book if you are a trauma survivor in a way that is accessible for you. But for me it’s time to start leaning into it. Time to allow the pain to process, even if it’s hard. And it is.

14 thoughts on “Leaning Into Healing”

  1. Good for you. I know what you mean about it being hard to listen to, though. I’ve tried to read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and found myself getting really upset. I even get upset when my therapist talks about the symptoms I have and uses words like “flashbacks” and “derealization” and “depression.” Even though I somewhat know this is true, part of me still thinks, “That’s not me…I’m not hurt, I’m not struggling, I’m fine, other people have it worse…” Agh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been in therapy two and a half years and just yesterday I was able to fully admit I have PTSD and accept my path to healing. You’re ready when you’re ready, I think. I’m really glad I’m ready though. But yep all of that is hard! I sometimes feel like I trigger myself… and turns out I do!

      Liked by 1 person

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