100 Days of Healing – Day 5

I avoided hard today. I had more dreams last night and woke up overwhelmed, so it was hard to get my brain together enough to get up and on with my day. I handled the phone call and meeting I had to attend and commiserated with my brother over his girlfriend dumping him with no explanation (real explanation is her parents are crazy and constantly interfered). I finished the set of earrings I’ve been working on that don’t look anything like I wanted them to (I need different beading thread that isn’t as stiff). I didn’t do much else. I feel like I can’t do much else, and the earring was just to keep my hands busy while I watched some tv after the meeting to help calm myself down and detach.

I thought a lot about self care and routine for me. I can barely make myself shower, brush teeth and wash dishes right now, and I’m trying to work out in my head that if those are the only things I tell myself I have to do the rest of the week and not the other stuff (work, etc.), maybe they won’t seem so daunting?

The hard thing for me about taking this time out to let my brain process is that I don’t know how long it will take. It felt like things were starting to look up yesterday, which is maybe why today is that much more difficult. I declined again today instead of improving, and I really want to improve so that I can get to doing and being what I want to do and be. As so many of you know, if your head isn’t in the right place for that, it’s nearly impossible, and I forced myself through for long enough that I can’t even really do that anymore.

5 thoughts on “100 Days of Healing – Day 5”

  1. Each day is going to be different from the next. Pay attention to what your body is telling you. If you need downtime, go with it. When you feel a burst of energy, go with that too. I always tell myself… “I’m a work in progress” Each day is something different with my mood or feeling numb. Yesterday, I truly pushed myself to work on my “Things to do List” and I remarkably accomplished most of it. However, the stuff I have on my list for today… I’m not feeling it. I’m overtired and my body hurts so badly from exerting myself. I’m looking at my list and thinking… F’ it… tomorrow’s another day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hiked for a couple of hours yesterday, did some cleaning and started listening to a new book. Today I’m tired and considering two things that I want to but don’t urgently need to get done. I’ve not yet – after almost five years – given myself the space to heal, so this is new territory. Your insight is really helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. its so hard when your head isnt in the right place. You can try everything but if it isnt right or in the right mindset your fighting a losing battle. I think you have the right idea though to go slow and I hope that works for you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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