I finally did it. I said no.
My struggle with PTSD has included real challenges with boundaries. I’ve barely been able to set them, much less keep them, and saying “no” when people ask me to do something is really hard for me, no matter how inconvenient.
I’m taking notes at a presentation tomorrow. I was happy to say yes to this request, even though it’s in another city, because the topic interests me and I am working on a project with some of the people who will be there.
I got an email from someone I know who is also going, who asked if I wanted to carpool. It’s almost two hours from my house, and she lives sort of on the way.
I hate carpooling. I don’t like being tied to someone else’s schedule and habits, I don’t like to let other people drive, my week has been really hard and I may want to sit in silence the whole way, and since boyfriend and I have talked things out thoroughly, it looks like we might be willing to make some adjustments and keep trying. In which case I’ll be picking up bagels and meeting up with him on my way to this presentation.
Old me would have changed my plans and ignored my needs to say yes and agree to carpool. That’s just how I did things. Now I know better, and I let her know I’ll be at a wedding this evening and won’t be able to carpool.