I’ve been falling down a dark hole for five years, and every time I think I’ve hit the bottom I crash through another floor on my way further down the hole.
I had one of the worst PTSD episodes I’ve ever had last night. I don’t even really remember it, just that it was dark and I don’t want to do this anymore. I am exhausted by this condition and am running out of resources. I also don’t know what else to do or how to do things differently. I mean I can understand multiple different ways to live and accomplish goals and whatever but I don’t know how to do them for me. And those small first steps I have to take? They seem impossible. That’s what it will take to begin, but I don’t know that I still have what it takes.
And my favorite catfish place is completely flooded out so…shit.