I Am Not That Blogger, Or That Woman

My boyfriend was telling me about someone he knew who has been actively posting his travels and adventures on social media, saying how awesome it is to have a job that can travel with you and he can work anywhere in the world.

This person also has a GoFundMe page now.

I’m not surprised, shit is expensive and life is hard work and often hands you unexpected (and expensive) circumstances. A few times in my life I’ve come to a point where I didn’t have anything, and I had to punt and start over and work my way back up.

I commented that not only was I never going to be a blogger that lives off of sharing my travels, I am also never going to be a CoverGirl model, and I am ok with that.

He asked why I thought that, and I responded that I know that. The camera does not like me. And I am way better in person.

I don’t want to spend time getting great travel deals or learning to take awesome photos or being a person that gets paid to go. I just want to go and do it my way, and I want to leave everything behind when I do. I don’t want to report in for followers to share my experience, I want to wander strange cities alone and pick cafes based on my mood and make the mistake of ordering mussels that it turns out I really don’t like at all and own up to the mussels I don’t like and the wine I didn’t much like either and not pretend that ILOVEEEEEEEIT!!!! Because I don’t.

I don’t watch the beauty tutorials or figure out cute new ways to style my hair. If I don’t want to think I don’t look good I avoid mirrors and walk out the door anyway. While everyone else is rocking perfectly shaped eyebrows, I’m annoyed at mine for being so unmanageable (I have crazy mountain man brows that are black with some blonde roots and some blonde hairs and I have medium brown hair… so riddle me that, Batman…) and I got really excited that my random selection of hot pink lipstick was in a stick that doesn’t require me to attempt lipstick three times before I give up and swipe it off then replace with chapstick.

I have no idea how to take a decent selfie, I just know that I hate being tagged in photos because they are never flattering, and I never try. I don’t stop my life for the perfect photo, and I don’t spend time on it. I don’t do weird things with my chin or my tongue to get a better look, and I have no idea where to put my glasses on my face so that they don’t cut my pupils off. And just like my lack of a perfect body, it’s not important enough to me to put energy into it. I like to put my energy into other things. And most of it goes to PTSD so it’s not like I have the bandwidth to work on looking good on a screen.

And I have no ill feelings toward people who do the things I don’t. I don’t think people are crazy for traveling for a living or shallow for having YouTube channels dedicated to beauty, I think they’re doing exactly what interests them and what they’re good at. I think they have tons of followers because what they are doing engages people and connects to them. I think it’s cool. And I think it’s not me. So I do me, and I’m ok with it.


5 thoughts on “I Am Not That Blogger, Or That Woman”

  1. It fascinates me, particularly when travelling, how much time people spend taking selfies. Doesn’t it detract from actually looking at the cool landmark that you’re taking the selfie in front of? Then again, I’m with you, I have no idea how to take a decent selfie. I somehow do exactly the opposite of whatever you’re “supposed” to do with my chin/tongue/etc, so I’ve accepted that I know what I look like, I don’t need pictures to remind me. I’d rather have pictures of the place I’m travelling in.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was in Paris a couple of years ago and there were selfie sticks everywhere, and I didn’t understand it. I took a couple of pictures of myself the first and last days for my grandma, but I’m usually making faces or eyeing things to the side, which amuses me. I really wanted to soak it in and enjoy the opportunity to live there for a week, so I did and I love the memories from being present and remind myself not to feel bad that I don’t have “evidence” of that gift of existence.

      Liked by 2 people

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