After lounging around all last weekend with anxiety brain because, as it turns out, I am extremely sensitive to barometric pressure (I am my own weather predictor station?!?), I have been mad busy since Monday getting the documents ready for a building permit application. I didn’t know until Monday that my client wanted the application submitted today, and I found out the previous architect (who I replaced) had missed some pretty critical aspects on the drawings, and there were no utilities shown (or they also weren’t correct) for the site, and…basically working 16 hour days to do the job of 5 people as one person.
In context, it was only a couple of days, lots of people have lots to do, people who need post-hurricane assistance and care are much more important on the Scale of Things and after all, these are only drawings.
Anxiety brain doesn’t give a shit about context or the Scale of Things.
It cares about having to focus for very long periods (or three days straight), it cares about having to juggle responsibilities, it cares that WE VERY MUCH WANT A COMPLETE DAY OFF ON A MONDAY, THANKS, BECAUSE THIS WEEKEND WAS STRESSFUL AND DIDN’T COUNT, it cares about having to work very late and not pay attention to breakfast because that is multitasking and coffee from that food truck makes us happy and somehow doesn’t cause anxiety but we don’t have time to get it because DEADLINE and also WHY ARE NONE OF THESE FILES RIGHT??? It was also pissed that we didn’t feel like yoga.
And that’s it. Anxiety brain doesn’t do context or scale, it blows it all up and says everything is a massive panic, and hard, and too hard and no thanks, I will just lay in bed in the dark and eat pizza (that was last night after finishing for the night and being both tired and hungry).
I am working to not let anxiety brain win. I am gonna reprogram my busted neurons and be able to do what I want, so I kept telling myself CONTEXT. And that these deadlines, too, shall pass. Now time for some self-care and exercise, then on to the next thing.