Yeah, I’m Pretty Tired of the Stress Weight

I was about to say “tired of being fat” when I self – corrected. I’m not fat, so I don’t need to make that statement. I have gained a couple dozen pounds in the last year, not a single one of which benefits me. My cortisol production is ridiculous, so losing weight is challenging right now, to say the least. Plus the anxiety/depression symptom I’m most likely to exhibit is desperate need for carbs and fat.

My crazy likes to be fed, y’all.

And while I’m not particularly feeding it, I’m not starving it either. Or making it exercise enough. Or giving it a long enough break to see some recovery.

But it looks like my family is coming around, and it looks like very shortly I’ll get that break.

Run for 15 Minutes

My brother gave me Jabra Elite ear buds for Christmas to replace the ear buds that came with my phone. I had ruined them by getting caught in a couple of thunderstorms last summer, and he went above and beyond on the gift. They’re great.

They pair with an app, which I finally downloaded today. As I look at ways to mindfully improve my health, I’m going to have to put in some cardio. I haven’t done that since my car wreck. It was just too much for my brain to handle high intensity exercise.

Now, however, I’m at a point in recovery that I can start pushing myself to make some physical health gains, and I’m doing it with some limitations on what and where I can do it since I’m caring for my Grandma 4-5 days a week.

Do what you can, where you can though! So I downloaded the app, and it told me to run for 15 minutes to check my VO2. Haha, I don’t run, and I’m certainly not able to run for 15 minutes! What a joke! Do only people who are already fit own these? I don’t get a runner’s high, and I hate running.

I did it though. I stayed focused on my breathing, made reasonable goals along the way, went back to my breathing to try to keep a rhythm, and toward the end checked the time a few times.

My health level is poor.

No kidding. That’s why I’m doing this.

Less Sugar, More Pissed

I have the new phone, the new laptop is here and I’m still rigging my way around the challenges of staying with my grandma.

I unintentionally slowed my roll on mindless stress eating this week. I mean I know I cut way back on sugar and gluten, and I mostly quit snacking, but I don’t know that it was with some big diet intention.

I sit around a lot in a dark apartment, and this crisis wasn’t going to make me gain weight too, is all.

My PTSD brain likes sugar. So. Much. Sugar, carbs and fat are my drug of choice since I don’t smoke and rarely drink, and right now my brain is pissed that it’s not getting what it wants.

Y’all. I didn’t even get any food at Chick-Fil-A when I stopped by for my free bottle of water.

My brain is so pissed.

I had the idea that I could only did this when I was in a low stress time and could really delve into food and fitness changes. Once again I’m surprising myself with what I can do with mindfulness.

And a new makeup bag to fit all of my new makeup…