I don’t quite know how I got here, but for the past week I’ve slowly started to feel good in my body. Not because I’ve lost more weight, and even though I gained a few Thanksgiving pounds. Not because I have more muscle or am stronger, and even though I think I could be. Not because my clothes fit better or I fit into old clothes, and even though my jeans are tighter today than they were yesterday.
I feel good in my body, and it feels really good!
This morning did not start well. I had so much anxiety last night that I was dizzy every time I stood, and I couldn’t sleep enough to get out of bed energetically. But two things happened to turn that around for me.
I met with a graduate student I am mentoring through my alma mater’s former student network, and we not only connected well but my professional work and personal interests align well with hers, so it looks like I will be able to provide real benefit to her. I’m thrilled by that, because not all of the matches are so successful, and I want to give back. I think it’s important.
During that meeting I got a call from a client who wanted to discuss some plan changes, and who is really happy and excited by what I am producing for them. That was gratifying, and I’m really happy that I am helping someone turn their vision into an achievable goal.
I still don’t have much relief from the anxiety and being “on” half the day has been tiring, but the good is there, I acknowledge it and am grateful for it and I am doing the best I can to be responsible for the energy I bring into the room.
This is the first full week I’ve worked in six months. Over 40 hours, fully engaged, up early, up late, driving lots of miles, handling difficult aspects of projects and wading into conflict to resolve it rather than pass it off to someone else with blame.
While on a new diet that takes away food as a crutch and while resolving some challenging personal shit.
I was at my desk, ready to work this morning by 8am. I wasn’t hungry, despite my juice-only meals yesterday, I felt good and my resting heart rate last night was 65 bpm – probably the lowest it’s been this year.
Looks like the hard work of recovery is starting to pay off.