100 Days of Healing – Day 18

As I was listening to BrenĂ© Browns’s Power of Vulnerability, her comments about what a terrible thing repressed creativity is stayed with me. After spending three weeks almost solely in survival brain and only in the last week starting to get some higher level brain function back (yay!), I have been struggling with any creative thinking of any kind. It seems generally out of my reach. However, I started making beaded earrings on a whim in an attempt to practice some kind of creative expression. I think I’ll keep it up for a bit and see what happens.

Leaning Into Healing

I started listening to Healing from Trauma: A Survivor’s Guide while I walked yesterday. After I did yoga. So there I am doing yoga, exercising, not making excuses and working on my brain.

That shit was hard.

The book was good for me from the start. I’m only to the second chapter, but the first chapter started with “Shit happens.”, and I knew I had found a resource that would help me.

As much as it’s helping, as much as I am already learning and recognizing and feel grateful, it is really hard for me to listen to. Not because she recounts trauma stories, she’s careful not to do that because she understands getting triggered isn’t helpful. It’s hard for me to listen to because I am having to face my own experience head-on. I am having to process what happened as I hear the narrator talk about how our brains and bodies respond when we experience trauma. It’s so empowering to have this information. And so painful.

It was tempting several times to cut the book off and switch over to music for the rest of my walk. And I can certainly do that – she even talks about how to read or listen to the book if you are a trauma survivor in a way that is accessible for you. But for me it’s time to start leaning into it. Time to allow the pain to process, even if it’s hard. And it is.