It’s Not Working

The motivation, the energy, the drive, the focus…it’s not there. What is there is the warm cocoon of my bed in the morning, which is much more appealing than what I feel like I’m facing every morning.

I lost a friend yesterday. I got that news shortly after I left the calmest come to Jesus meeting I’ve ever been part of. Said meeting was really hard, and I’m wondering if I need to start getting a little more loud and angry and a little less accommodating and understanding.

Am I trying to make it work or is it working for me?

I keep getting calls to revise a document that was fine the first time I wrote it. I don’t want to revise it anymore, it was not only fine the first time but good, and if you asked me to write it because you don’t feel that you have the ability, maybe just let me do this? It feels like that’s all work has been the past week, making unnecessary changes to perfectly fine documents I’ve written that do exactly what they need to do. I feel like I’ve wasted hours on this kind of thing lately, and I don’t want my time wasted like that.

Again, am I trying to make work work, or is it working for me?

At home, same thing, less of a question. It’s definitely not working for me. So I’ve been trying to make things work, and they really don’t. So those small changes are starting to lead to big changes, or I stay stuck trying to make it work. Which isn’t working for me.